We should get down on our knees and beg Keir Starmer to stay as PM – look at the options!
I can’t believe I’m writing this, but Britain needs Keir Starmer.
Keir Starmer is a terrible PM. Until you consider the alternatives (Image: Getty)
It’s not that I think the PM is doing a good job. He’s the equal worst prime minister of my lifetime. Right down there with Liz Truss, except she only had 49 days to wreak havoc. Starmer’s already clocked up more than a year and his woeful tenure could drag on for another four. Heaven knows what will be left of the country by then.
But Britain still needs him. Desperately. I know that’s a ridiculous thing to say, given the damage he’s done. Together with Chancellor Rachel Reeves, Labour has killed growth, stoked inflation and destroyed hundreds of thousands of jobs. And there’s worse to follow in the November Budget.
Politically, the PM is in meltdown. Every day brings yet another resignation, with Angela Rayner and Peter Mandelson the most high-profile departures.
Sir Keir can’t lead, can’t inspire, can’t communicate and can’t even lie with conviction. Any fool can see that he should go now. Until you see the comedians lining up to replace him. They’d make the UK an even bigger laughing stock than we already are.
Manchester mayor Andy Burnham is the main pretender to Starmer’s throne. He’s always the pretender, charging into every Labour leadership race, getting flattened, then bouncing back as if nothing happened and he’s still the next big thing.
Yesterday, Burnham made his move, and fell flat on his face. As he always does.
His solutions to Britain’s malaise – more spending, more nationalisation, more union power – are the same tired routines from the 1970s. And they weren’t funny then.
His economic plan was the real howler. Burnham insisted Britain must “get past this thing about being in hock to the bond markets”, before promising to borrow £40billion for council housing.
So where does Burnham propose to get those extra billions from? That’s right, the bond markets.
It’s like begging your bank manager for another massive loan, while telling him to sling his hook.
Unsurprisingly, bond investors didn’t see the funny side. Yields on 30-year gilts jumped to 5.57% yesterday. So now we’re even more in hock to them. Thanks, Andy.
Burnham is a running joke. But he’s far from the silliest figure circling Labour’s leadership.
Step forward Jeremy Corbyn and Zarah Sultana, the freshest double act on the UK’s political comedy circuit. Their efforts to launch a hard-left alternative to Starmer are pure slapstick.
Sultana announced the new party before Corbyn agreed, admitted the party hadn’t got a name yet, then quarrelled with Corbyn and four MPs over its membership, leadership and trans rights (of course).
She then accused them of running a “sexist boys’ club” at which point her online portal crashed.
They’re still throwing custard pies at each other while fellow comedy leftist Owen Jones runs around in despair with his hair on fire.
This might be entertaining, but it shows how unfit these goons are for power. They can’t manage a website, let alone the British economy.
If they ever got near government, the bond market would bolt and the country would be bankrupt in days.
So here are the choices: the night-mayor of Manchester in one corner, the Corbyn-Sultana circus in the other. Either way, Britain would collapse in chaos.
There are other candidates too. Angela Rayner would love to make a comeback. Ed Miliband is popular with party members.
Unbelievably, the PM looks like the least bad option. Seriously, we should all grit our teeth and beg him to stay. At whatever price (and it will be high).
