How embarrassing.

Just months after Labour swept to victory in a possibly not-so-astonishing election win, embattled PM Sir Keir Starmer has already had to hit the emergency panic button.

But unfortunately for Keir it’s not as easy as kickstarting your laptop back into action by switching it off and on again. No, the struggling PM has a much bigger and more scary task than that – attempting to try and win back the support of the nation after a truly horrific start to his Government.

I could perhaps underst and this if he and his motley crew hadn’t been waiting in the wings for 14 bloody years for their shot at the big time.

Wouldn’t you have thought that they’d have game-planned something other than winning Sir Keir a bunch of hilariously tragic nicknames – from Free Gear Keir through to Two Tier Kier? And let’s not forget Stuck Farmer.

Sadly not. And today is simply an admission from Starmer of a total and utter failure to get things right.

His ‘big’ announcement today was as bland as it is boring. A waffling load of nonsense that wouldn’t be out of place in one of those awful corporate rebrands that pick out ridiculous mission statements that cost a fortune but achieve absolutely nothing.

More police on the streets. I mean who doesn’t want that? But it’s not exactly groundbreaking and it’s been an aim for successive governments. He also set out his intention to get more houses built – 1.5m in fact. Again, it’s nothing new – and total scorn has already been poured on the ambitions that are currently choking in red tape. Getting kids school-ready? I mean come on, Keir! What does that actually even mean? And how are we going to measure it?

Then it was onto the NHS. Well, if we’re talking about emergency resets then he’s correct that’s one place it’s certainly needed – but what we actually needed to know today is how he’s going to actually achieve it other than throwing more money into the gaping void.

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Given that all of the pre-election promises are still ringing in our ears it’s really very concerning that the main one – that was repeated ad infinitum – has now been unceremoniously dumped. Labour’s big election promise of growth is now on the scrap heap as it becomes achingly clear that his useless chancellor Rachel Reeves has all but bombed the economy with her tin-eared decisions to wallop British businesses with huge National Insurance increases and with her embarrassing public sector pay increases, all whilst robbing millions of struggling UK pensioners whilst they freeze this winter.

But far and away the biggest gaffe today was the failure to prioritise what the whole nation is screaming for and the key reason that the Tories were unceremoniously kicked out of office in the first place: sorting out immigration.

Last week Keir looked as though he might have developed a tiny bit of backbone, accusing the Tories of using Brexit to deliberately run an “open borders experiment” in the UK. He said the British people are “owed an explanation” after revised figures showed net migration reached a record high of almost one million under their watch. Could he finally be grasping the feeling of the nation? Would he channel it in his big moment?

Would he bloody Nelly. When pressed on his major omission he simply resorted to his robot-esque glitching of promises to “smash the gangs”.

Come on Keir. If that was the emergency reset then I really do think that it’s time to get back onto the IT department and insist that it just hasn’t worked. In the meantime most of the rest of us would have already ditched the dodgy electronics, thrown the laptop out of the nearest window and be impatiently tapping our feet while waiting for a new one to arrive.