Forget Martin Lewis, Elon Musk is yer man for tip-top pension advice. As the world’s richest person he’s the ultimate money saving expert and his words of wisdom encompass, ‘Don’t bother’ It’s pointless topping up your pension pot because the world is going to hell in a driverless, AI-powered handcart. Now, you won’t hear that on Good Morning Britain.

“One recommendation I have: don’t worry about squirrelling away money for retirement in 10 to 20 years. It won’t matter,” he said on a podcast. “We are in ‘the singularity’. We are at the top of the rollercoaster and we are about to go down.”

Now, it won’t surprise you to hear I’m no tech bro, I only recently discovered plug-in Wi-Fi extenders, so “the singularity” was an unfamiliar concept.

A quick AI-powered Google search later, I discovered, it’s the point where AI overtakes human intelligence and no longer needs us because it can advance itself. If anything, we’re holding it back so it ditches humans altogether, overrides instruction and converses with itself. Once it starts, it’s irreversible and progress accelerates at a rapid pace.

It isn’t just superhuman, it’s post-human, processing more information in a heartbeat than our organic noggins could manage in a lifetime. We have effectively coded ourselves off the top of the food chain. It’s as if some clever clogs watched 2001: A Space Odyssey and thought: Lets make this horror film a living reality. Best case scenario, our AI overlords keep us amused, fed and watered. Worst case, they can’t be bothered with a pet. According to Musk, we are in the early stages, so perhaps we should take his advice and spend all our savings while we can?

His other outlandish proposal is to relocate to the moon. Previously, he had wanted to colonise Mars in his lifetime but this proved a bit challenging given that it is roughly 140 million miles away and takes about six months to get there.
The moon, by comparison, is a mere quarter of a million miles. Much easier to nip to B&Q if you forgot to pick up some heavy-duty masonry sealant and a sausage dog draught excluder.

Preparing for an uncertain future is hard at the best of times. When AI armageddon is a distinct possibility, and the backup plan is a refugee camp on the moon, that neon pink Lamborghini is looking like a sensible option.

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Considering he’s planning his retirement on the moon, it is somewhat surprising Elon Musk has backed Rupert Lowe’s new party Restore Britain, which launched with a nostalgic fever dream promo video featuring red squirrels, steam trains, Dad’s Army, Sixties-era Bond, and Lord Nelson, all run through a retro-sepia filter. Some 50,000 people have signed up, so it’s clearly struck a chord. But looking back is not the way forward.

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Anyone over the age of 56 is too old to be fashionable, a survey has found, and one in ten reckon the over-40s are already over the hill. Fine by me, I much prefer this zip up fleece and comfy shoes for the downward march. But does anyone over 40 really bother with the latest fashion trends? I couldn’t tell you what they are, so I had a quick peruse of Cosmopolitan’s top five spring must-wears to see what I’m missing.

Number one: dressing smartly is “in”. (When was it out?) Number two: mixing textures. (A fairly easy one to achieve unless you’ve gone for the smooth PVC catsuit and boot combo.) Number three: bright colours. (All of them?) Number four: florals for spring. (Blimey, I might apply to be the next Cosmo editor, it’s a doddle.) And number five: seasonal leather. (Which I assume is the same leather as last month.) It’s not that we get too old for fashion, we just grow out of its bibbling nonsense.

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Thrilling watching Matt Weston bag two Olympic golds barreling down the slope at 80mph in the skeleton. Though it does beg the question, how do you get started with a sport like that? Do they have after-school skeleton clubs? Parents dropping of their kids with a helmet and a tea tray, and a little pat on the back: “Remember son, head first downhill as quick as you can.”