I don’t often get leaks from Moscow Central, but this one’s a cracker. “5/3/26 TOP SECRET. UK AGENT OF INFLUENCE UPDATE: Sleeper strategy bearing fruit. Military now almost disarmed. Energy is insecure. Government tied up in legal red tape. Unable to assist allies. Recommend continuation of Project BAD KID BROTHER.”

Okay, I don’t really believe Ed Miliband is a Kremlin asset or discreetly reports to the Lubyanka. But if he did, would he behave any differently? That razor-thin majority he won over his older, smarter brother David in 2010 changed the world in all kinds of unpleasant ways.

He opened the Labour Party up to the Putin-pleasing barmy army of Jeremy Corbyn, then persuaded his MPs to save the Syrian dictator Assad in 2013 – just as Barack Obama and David Cameron were looking to punish him for using poison gas on his own people.

The West’s failure of nerve at that critical moment gave the mullahs in Iran – and the dictator in Moscow – an open invitation to crush a democratic revolution in Syria, leaving cities like Aleppo looking like Gaza but with more intentional civilian casualties.

This led the Russians to believe that invading Ukraine would never be opposed by the weak leaders in the West, so that horror show began the following year.

Then there’s his la-la-land, self-harming nonsense of an energy policy. In and out of government (and sadly copied by too many Tories), Agent Ed has pushed relentlessly for the most extreme version of net zero, meaning sky-high prices, supply shortages and heartbreaking job losses.

And now guess who led the Cabinet opposition to Britain playing an active role in the current war in Iran – or even adequately protecting allies and our own troops? Yes, bad kid brother once again.

Those in the room claimed his demeanour was “petulant, pacifist, legalistic and very political”. Sounds about right.

Armed with the words of Attorney General Lord Hermer – who has never seen an enemy of Britain he didn’t want to represent in court – Ed and his gang beat up poor old Keir Starmer so badly that our hapless PM pulled back from even the limited support for the US and Israel he was proposing.

Making the timid Starmer look like a hawk is some achievement. Magnificent work comrade, have an Order of Lenin!

And while we play a game of “maybe” with our ever-more exasperated allies, the long-term consequences of the delusional energy policy that represents Agent Ed’s lifework are about to hit Britain like an Iranian ballistic missile.

UK gas prices are suddenly through the roof, yet astonishingly we are – according to the most recent economic statement by Rachel Reeves – still determined to signal our green virtue to an uncaring world by ignoring the huge energy riches that lay right under British soil and beneath our seas.

Agent Ed has forbidden any new work in the North Sea and last year – for the first time in my lifetime – not a single new exploratory well was drilled.

In contrast, Norway continues to pump oil and gas for all its worth – taking out £50billion’s worth last year alone. That could come in very handy come the next Budget. Hey, it might even cover a couple of new warships.

But no, instead we will be paying top dollar for Norwegian and Qatari supplies – if the latter can even get here. In a more peaceful, fairer, kinder world, then maybe all of this could make some sense.

But in this one, it really, really doesn’t. So as we break faith with our oldest allies, contemplate our shrunken military and settle in for long evenings by a one bar electric fire (assuming that the wind is blowing) do spare a thought for our very own homegrown super-agent of chaos. And hope his retirement dacha is powered by elk dung.

Phil Craig is a bestselling military historian and broadcaster. His most recent book is 1945: The Reckoning (Hodder, £25)