I’m surprised leader Zack Polanski found space for it. Starmer’s coffin lid is so full of nails, they’ll need a crane to lift it out of Number 10. The Greens winning Gorton and Denton is a massive blow for Labour, which stormed the seat with more than half the vote in 2024. That Labour couldn’t even come second shows just how far Starmer has fallen. It’s a stunning win for Polanski, and a terrifying moment for the rest of us.

If this man ever made it into Downing Street, it would mark the end of Britain as a serious country. Although frankly, we might already be there. Polanski may be dreaming of power this morning, and it’s not completely out of the question. He’s clearly willing to do or say anything to get it. Polling expert Martin Baxter has just issued a bombshell prediction, saying that “for the first time ever” there’s now a percentage chance of Polanski being PM.

The Greens aren’t going to do it alone, but as part of a centre-left coalition with Labour and the Lib Dems, and a dash of Islamism. Incredibly, Baxter reckons Polanski could get there with just 107 seats. Unlikely? Yes, but possible. The two-party system is finished. In 2029 we’re either looking at a left-wing coalition or Reform-Tory mash up. But the right aren’t even talking to each other. Even if Labour gets most seats and the power to choose the PM, Polanski would still be in Cabinet. Terrified, anyone?

The Greens have some crazy policies, and plenty of soft-headed progressives in Labour and the Lib Dems would love to see them enacted too. They include a full amnesty for every illegal immigrant, with free housing, NHS care and spending money from day one, even for arrivals on small boats. Which would obviously inspire a flood of new arrivals.

Next up, they’ll hit us with a wealth tax. It may be unworkable in practice, and will cost more than it raises as the well-off and businesses flee, but that won’t stop mad Zack. The wealthy won’t be the only ones leaving. British Jews are likely to flee too, as the Greens embed sectarianism in UK politics by spreading “anti-Zionist” conspiracy theories.

A Green-backed coalition would unleash a wave of nationalisations, bringing rail, energy, water, and other utilities back into public ownership. This may be popular for a while until people realise the state has no money to invest in them, and the unions are running the show for their own benefit.

We’ll long for stodgy old Starmer, and Rachel Reeves too, dreaming of her fiscal rules in a country where there aren’t any, as the Greens throw billions at welfare, public services, universal free childcare and green investment, regardless of the results. While also legalising drugs so we can all spend our time getting stoned rather than going to work, which will no longer pay anyway.

If Ed Miliband’s net-zero charge seemed insane, brace yourself for soaring energy bills and blackouts as the hard-left coalition doubles down. Frequent-flyer levies would ruin holidays, car ownership would become unaffordable amid a blizzard of fuel taxes and road-user charges. Of course, it’ll all end in a gilts crisis and run on the pound. At which point the Greens will try to balance the books by shutting down the army. Having already pulled out of NATO and scrapped our nuclear deterrent, in a gift to Russia and China.

Our politics will descend even deeper into tribalism and Britons may no longer even trust the electoral system as the Greens wink at voter corruption.

Keir Starmer’s Labour may be inept, misguided, and clueless, but if Polanski gets near Number 10, they’d look like paragons of administrative virtue. The fact this is even worth worrying about is shocking. If it becomes reality, and it might, it’ll be the final nail in all of our coffins